


First impressions stink: part 2 - A Flower Grows

by AAonAOOO



Series: First Impressions Stink - WTFDIDT? (why The Fuck Did I Do This?) [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Fisting, Ass to Mouth, Bisexual Dave Strider, Bisexual John Egbert, Bisexuality, Blow Jobs, Boyfriends, Butt Slapping, Come Eating, Deepthroating, Dominatrix, Established Relationship, Exhaustion, F/M, Farting, Foursome - F/F/M/M, Gay, Gay Sex, Horny Teenagers, Incest, Kissing, Licking, M/M, Masturbation, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Other, Parent/Child Incest, Rimming, Rope Bondage, Scat, Scents & Smells, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:40:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28799253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AAonAOOO/pseuds/AAonAOOO
Summary: Go read Part 1 first, dummieBefore you read any further, this is entirely ironically and is INTENTIONALLY bad, and is a clear parody to the original source. (That being Homestuck)Please let this NOT be you first time hearing of Homestuck, this WILL ruin it.---A short story about John and Dave dating after their first meet n fuck. After a while of dating, Rose decides to meet the two in person as well at her place, at the LaLonde family meet them for the first time, but at the most awkward moment.---As you can tell, this is scat and fart fetish (Along with many other very concerning things): not made to be taken seriously, and is solely one big joke. Nevertheless, you're here to read it, and I'm not gonna stop you, you disgusting human :)
Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider, John Egbert/Rose Lalonde, John Egbert/Rose's Mom | Beta Roxy Lalonde/Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Rose's Mom | Beta Roxy Lalonde
Series: First Impressions Stink - WTFDIDT? (why The Fuck Did I Do This?) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111523
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. John does his solo yearning time with no decency of his Father, horny fucker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John wishes Dave was with him, and gets a little TOO horny, that's about it, it gets better in later chapters

It's been a few months since John and Dave and started dating after their first "date", and from time to time they'd hang out together and just have fun (interpret that as you wish). Of course they still talked to their friends; Jade and Rose, and this is where we start off.

John receives a text from Rose asking if they are able to meet together with the company of Dave to her house, which John accepts, quickly texting to Dave if he would join.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:04 --

EG: DAVE

EG: DAVE!!!!

TG: What Egbert. did your tiny Egbert dick get stuck in the door?

TG: again?

EG: no Dave. Rose wants us both to meet her at her place!

TG: her place? when dd her mom let her do it? i thought they were having a full on war with each other, all Vietnam "we got beat by farmers but not this time" 2 kinda thing.

EG: no, she said we can go other for a day. but whats weird is that she couldnt seem to type. i think her keyboard is broken, it was like talking to someone who only typed while banging their head off the screen.

TG: is Jade coming too? i didnt hear anything from here

EG: Rose said she couldnt come, maybe cause shes on a island in the middle of no where

TG: yeah that could be it.

TG: so when is it Egbert, dont leave without your boyfriend. what if you need mad top when your out. do you think Rose has a strap-on, for occasions like this, where Egbert needs mad top and she has to satisfy him?

EG: OMG DAVE!!! SHUT UP!!!

EG: ITS TOMORROW AT HER PLACE YOU DOOFUS

TG: i dont see a time Egbert. i might be late for Johns topping session with Rose

EG: 1PM I DONT NEED TOP

\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:07

John sat and radiated with love, hugging his pillow and nuzzling against it. John hugged it harder, imaging it were Dave he was hugging; pressing himself against his chest, feeling his warmth, while Dave moved his fingers through his hair, whispering sweet nothings to him... John whined a bit as Dave really wasn't there with him, and dug his head in deeper into the pillow. God, he just wanted to be with Dave so much... He loved his cute smile, how he was always funny... his big cock; how he could feel how big and thick it was just from hugging him closely: about 6 and half inches. Just thinking about it made him hot and bothered "Dave... I want you Dave..." he moaned into the pillow, which muffled it; then John takes his throbbing dick out and starts rubbing it against the pillow he has. Then that rubbing soon turns to straight up dry humping it, then John leans down and hugs the pillow tightly, sandwiching his penis between his stomach and the pillow, continuing to hump it. "Dave... I need you... so bad... i _need_ you" he whispered to no one and then sniffing his pillow deeply, wishing what he was really smelling was Dave's ballsack: his fat, sweaty stinking ballsack: John loved the smell of it, how Dave would sit on his face and John would get to smell both his asshole and his nuts, the unwashed smell on all his sweat: it excited him so much, his dick was throbbing uncontrollably. John took his hand and reached down to the tip of his dick, and started rubbing it; his heavy breaths and girly moans were absorbed by his pillow, stopping it from getting loud. Then he stopped rubbing his cock, and started jerking it fast, already feeling his precum be used as lube and putting his asscheecks to the air, showing the whole room his winking hole and nuts as he jerked himself off with his face still in the pillow, then his penis spluttered out his fresh cum, it smoothly drooling onto his bed in a small pool: "AUUUHHHHhhhhhhh..." John exclaimed in ecstasy, drooling saliva out onto his pillow while his testicles drained of his nut for his love for Dave and at the same time Johns ass farted; he couldnt control himself, and his ass didn't stop farting. Even after John came his asshole poured stink out like a flood and it was loud as FUCK, but he loved it, he loved the smell, the way it vibrated the inside of his rectum; it made him cum harder and he forcibly farted harder too, making sure his greasy hole wasn't done in till he said he was done, and in doing so he accidentally lets out a huge fucking fart, that makes his insides feel so fucking wrong yet right, and he moaned in pure euphoria of it, opting to put his fingers inside if himself and then sniff them intensely before licking them: tasting the stink in his mouth. John then proceeded planted his face in his own cum, smelling it all, then sticking out his tongue and licking it, tasting all of it's... taste, while he did it he swayed his ass from side to side in the air like a dog would, his limp dick, balls and his butthole that visibly was looser than the spare change of a blind man, all showing the world his indecency while he did so.

After John was done "Not needing top" he sat up, finishing up whatever cum he wanted, and sat idly on his bed with all his goods to be seen, then got up and put on his clothes again then goes downstairs. He looks around, eyeing anything that might be off, but sees nothing of value, then heads to the kitchen to see his Dad sitting at the table, reading the newspaper and smoking his pipe.

"Son?"  
"Yes Dad?"  
"Could you not... Be so loud? It interrupts me and my work, I swear that your louder than my own piano!"

"Yeah, sorry Dad, was just, doing things"  
"Yeah, you ~~FUCKING SHIT YOURSELF?!~~ eat beans when I'm not looking? You sure can be very loud, Son"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pain


	2. John and Dave have sex 2: electric boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says all, cause it's about it. They haven't met up with Rose and her house yet, but in the next chapter we will see them.

"Yo Egbert, you ready? Cause I don't wanna meet Rose alone and have to be all like: "Yeah John ain't here cause he couldn't fit his fat butt into the car fast enough"" Dave says to John, leaning against the car door they had borrowed from his Dad, his shades reflecting against the sunlight and aimed right at Egbert, that seemed to be having a small panic attack over weather they'd bring all they'd need just to meet with Rose at her home. John, on the other hand as finding it hard to concentrate between Rose and Dave- what they'll talk about and do and such, as he just stood there idly playing ideas around in his mind.

"Come on Egbert, don't make me drag you in here- what if we have another accident, hm?"

"Hey, I'm just coming, Jesus Dave even race car drivers are more patient than you, plus my ass isn't THAT fat, it's more..."

"Round?, it jiggles and it's tight yo. Just like my rhymes, and just as juicy"

"Really, my butt isn't that big!" John presses his hand against his big lump of a ass, and rubs it "See! not fat, just..." Dave comes over and slaps his ass hard and then gropes it "It's so fat it could kill a man, or rather drain my dick~"

"OH MY GOD DAVE- Not here! No-" SLAP goes Johns ass again as Dave grabs it with his two hands, squeezing hard "Ahhhh! D-Dave... I said not here!"

Dave removes his hand but still longingly looks at it: "I'm gonna eat the shit outa your ass John, mark my words. Your booty will become grass, and I'll be like, the lawnmower, just eatin that shit up- hey, maybe even your shit too" as he puts on a small grin and puts his face closer to Johns, staring at him through his dark glasses.

"Dave!!!"

"Or what John? gonna toot your horn? come on, show me if that ass can fart"

John bends over, embarrassed and arches his butt out for Dave to see, then Dave takes both of hands and presses them on his ass, rubbing his cheeks and the occasional slaps "mmmmm~ bet your ass tastes sooooo good Egbert, just thinking about that loose hole of yours-" he takes Johns waits with his hands and moves down, removing his bottoms off the bottom and they feel to Johns ankles revealing his bare ass and genitals. Dave starts with the asshole, quickly putting his tongue in and licking everything he can reach inside, the warm spit in John's ass brought unbelievable amounts of pleasure to him as he let out some slutty moans for him. Dave's hands reached down and started to fondle John's balls, stopping to lick sometimes and take a large sniff into John's nuts. Dave then pulled away and took his own dick out, slowly pressing it against John's asshole while John prepared to be buttfucked, then Dave shoved the whole shaft in him at once, going balls deep into his boy pussy. John, for a lack of better words, screamed at the top of his lungs before whining for Dave to pull out, but Dave didn't care, and slapped his penis against his insides, slapping John's ass cheeks hard as they jiggled and ate Dave's cock. John started crying tears in the pain but didn't attempt to stop Dave from giving him a red-ring-of-fire. Then John couldn't take it any longer, and his ass felt something deep inside, and it forced itself up Dave's member:

"What the fuck John? Are you shitting on me dick? for real? you wan't a Egbert surprise?" And Dave stopped fucking him and let the log of shit mush against the side of his penis and John's insides, then started fucking his ass again, using the shit as lube, making the hole tighter to fuck; in-between Dave's slaps against John's thighs, he let out a wet fart, followed by leaking shart out he sides of Dave's dick that dripped hot chunks of faeces onto his balls, but Dave loved it, becoming more rough and desperate, fucking John's hole like a rabbit in intensive heat. The sounds of dick slapping mixed with the wet sludge of shart along with John's tear-causing farts made for an orchestra of love that the both of them loved so much; the smells and the heat of love between the two only fuelled their need for another. 

John's cock was twitched as hard as a real vibrator while his balls were hit by Dave's thighs hitting against him; John's face and descended from a shy smile to a broken fucked-silly face, with tears rolling down his face and enough drool pouring from him to cause a decent puddle, his tongue hanging from his jar while his eyes struggled to see through his tears: his body was weak, and had to have Dave lift him by his legs to make sure he didn't fall over, and John had already came way before Dave had- in fact he had came twice: his balls drained of cum, with semen piling up mixed with his shit at his feet; his penis still leaking jizz. In contrary: Dave's face was stern, but pleasured, like the face your make trying not to cum _just_ yet, while his hands were placed under John's thighs, lifting them to stop him from collapsing from his own weight. Dave's cock was fully in John's smelly, dense asshole: it covered in white and brown and sticky like honey: the perfect lubricate to smush against the moist walls of John's insides and Johns fat shit he took- Dave had rammed into him so hard his rock hard shit had turned to mush, and along with the greasy farts he was making, John was as hot as a sauna- and as wet as one too.

Finally, Dave took another heave into John and released his boy fluid, filling John's guts up and then pulls out- his hole furiously sharting out cum and shit, while John let out a final moan before he falls to the ground and pumping out the white shart out his anus onto his sissy ballsack like the cum dumpster he his. "God damn Egbert... Your ass can take a whole pile of shit AND my cock..." him looking down at the mess he and him had made: a big pile of shit and cum at his feet, and in front of it was his dick plastered with the same texture. "Haaaaaaaa..." John breathes out, exhausted by how much liquid he has to shit out of him; like diarrhoea, and to top it of he pushes everything out with one huge fart: his fat bubble butt jiggles as this happens- it sweating bullets so much it made him look like he's took a shower in mud.


	3. The Amazing JohnDave/RoseMom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dave meet up with Rose, only to find out Rose didn't plan this, and more sex happens OFC.

Driving to the wooded off house was fairly easy, considering it only has one way to go to get there, and so John and Dave finally reach Rose's house. They both got out and walked up the the door, and they looked up at the looming door before them. John didn't even attempt to ring the door bell- him suddenly realising how shy he was meeting Rose for the 1st time, compared to his [first time meeting with Dave.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28432203)

Dave first stepped forward and rang it himself, although slowly, replicating John's anxiety despite not being afraid himself at the start. They both exchanged looks of displeasure and waited in the silence for a hand to open the door for them, and they didn't have to wait long before the doors were pulled in from the inside, revealing a tall, slender woman with large hair that stood up and held a glass of alcohol (It gave off a very telling smell). The woman, despite not standing up entirely straight, towered over the boys, and with a blank expression said "Come in, why not?" and led them both into the large open area of the LaLonde family living room. Although Rose lived here there were no signs of Rose's presence anywhere- it was all what they assumed to be only her Mothers items of decoration, seeing how it clashed against Rose's own personality. Mom silently walked up the stairs: not inviting John and Dave; but instead expected them to follow her, which they did- the hung paintings and pictures of wizards in all forms held a deathly expression in their eyes, but not at all in a threatening way to warrant any concern, but only discomfort. 

They all stopped at a door, and Mom turned around, now with a small smile before saying "Rose is in here, let me show you her" before opening it up to show her bedroom- all which to be completely fine if you were to completely ignore the impressive BDSM set and tied-up naked Rose laying on the bed. 

"Yo what the fuck?" "What the...?" the boys said together before being pushed in by the tall lady before being locked in with her and her daughter, and they looked behind them in fear to so Mom's big smile painted across her blank face. "Just stay here, boys, I'll slip into something more fun ;) you can play with Rosey on the bed while you wait" and she disappeared off somewhere while the two glanced over to Rose, seeing that she is also blindfolded and has a ball gag in her mouth, he slobber made a wet mark on the bed where her head rested. John and Dave slowly moved closer to her tired body, seeing her **legal** nipples hard gone hard and her pussy was wet, she also bore a lipstick kiss in black marked on her neck and was also present alongside her naked back, breasts and ass. John looked down at her face, and removed the blindfold, but Rose shut her eyes quickly, then slowly opened them to avoid the light from the ceiling blinding her more than the blindfold did. When Rose saw the pair of them, she rolled her eyes and blushed, understanding quickly what had happened. She said something but was heard only by a muffled gibberish by the gag, and John took the gag out her mouth so she could breathe.

"Hey Rose I think yo Mom's is kinda fucking WEIRD" said Dave instantly, followed by "I know... Dave? It's almost like she tied me up when she is... in heat, like a animal hungry for satisfaction". Suddenly Mom walks in wearing your classic leather suit holding a pair of handcuffs in her hand, and a bottle of booze merely stamped "Wizard Majixs" on it. "Hey boys, now that your with Rosey, why don't we introduce ourselves? My names Roxy but you can just call me mommy from now on ;;) what's your name, hotstuff?" she seductively moved towards Dave, and crouching down to his level (despite Dave being, well, an adult, he was still much smaller to "mommy"). Her bottle reached Dave's cheek, and with actual fear Dave muttered something- well, nothing; he couldn't muster any words to say to this milf. "mmmm, I already know your Dave, those cool shades of yours gave it away, lets see those cute eyes of yours" and with her other hand she removed them, and Dave stood still like a statue: his red pupils clashed with his white background, and although that would make him pretty edgy, this day his eyes were innocent in sin. "Here, Davey, drink this majix potion, it'll make your dick biiiig ;;;)" and she took the bottle from his cheek and put it to his lips, pushing it slowly in and seeing his lips slowly envelop around the tip of the bottle, and push it up gently to let the liquid trickle into his mouth, but as soon as it hit his tongue he quickly backed away, coughing up something mean to he disgusting taste of the contents of the bottle. "Oh???? You don't like the majix?? I thought yo were a big boy who could handle the strong majix :((((". "Mom, try not get my friends drunk on your mixture of wine and vodka, you horny fuck". 

John finally found the balls he dropped earlier (this is a metaphor) and got up close to Mommy and took the drink from her, and setting it aside on the floor near the bed. "Heyyyy Johnny boy ;) maybe you can help me out with a little wittle problem I have: its these fat pussy lips I have and they're asking me, for you dick. Like, they told me to, get your dick and-" "MOM CAN YOU JUST NOT" "Shush now, darling, you can get your turn later, maybe Davey Jones can give you the big D and get you out your dumps!!!!" She grabbed both John's and Dave's hands and got onto the bed with them, let go of them and lifted up Rose to present her body like some sort of presentation. She sat her on her lap and point down to her vagina: "Here boys, is where the magic place is! it makes Rose totally loco for big dicks, I would know ;;;;)" She moved her hand more down, and started to play with her clit, giggling in her semi-drunk heat while John and Dave looked, both interested.

"I can see your boners perk up from here, boys! ;;) it looks really tight in there, lemme help you with that" and she places Rose back down and grabs both of their crotches, sizing them up before removing the barrier between the meat and the air. "Wowzie! I'm sure you boys have already taken my majix potion! those are really biiig! I wonder if Rosey can handle it!" While she went back to grab Rose again, both Dave and John looked at each others boners, seeing their stiff cocks waiting to be milked. She pushed Rose across the bed and laid her at the two of them, then she crawled around behind them and placed her feminine hands on the dicks, slowly jerking up and down. "Go on boys ;) she's allll yours, maybe she'll stop being so grumpy when she loses her V card" then show pushes both their backs towards Rose. John first touches her hip; a smooth and slender one, then slowly moved inward, feeling her pubes and then up to her clean stomach, just getting a feeling for her amazing body. Dave moves to Rose head, and puts his cock to her lips, letting it slowly being consumed by her black lips, the softness and moist of her mouth felt nice and stimulating against his shaft, but she refused to use her tongue. "That's it, boys, why don't we bend over, let me show you another way to feel good." Dave and John bent over, exposing their buttholes to Mom, and she insert her index finger into both of them, rubbing it against their insides, and then adding another finger in. John spreads Rose's legs, then gets on to of her, seeing her virgin pussy become wet a little. "OK Johnny, let me show you how to feel good from the front AND the back~". John slowly presses his dick against her pussy, and shakily pushes it in, feeling the walls of her insides move against as it pushes further in. Just when he's about to go further in, his as gets slapped hard, and a little fart comes out his butthole: "Ohhhh, Johnny, I see your a little nervous, let me help you ;)" and something cold and wet is pressed on his asshole, then quickly pushed in which causes him to push down on Rose, and his dick goes full into her. "ahhhhhh!" says both Rose and John as he buries his face into Roses neck and Rose just being penetrated by him. "Oh calm down you two, it was only my chick-dick :p". Dave looks over to see Mommy with a strap-on, balls-deep into Johns brown asshole, he nipples pointed against her leather suit. Mommy pulls up John and dicks him down again, now creating a fuck train between her, John and Rose while ave got sucked off on Rose's end. With every push she sends into John, he returns one stinky fart into the air, it combining with the smell of sex and lube.

"OK now, how about we change up a bit now... Johnny boy, get up make me suck that big dick of yours. Davey, why don't you go fuck Rosey for me, I've heard that Rosey thinks your hot ;)" "Shut the hell up Mom, I never said that you insolent moron" "I don't think my cats would agree with you Rosey honey :p" The boys did as they were instructed: Mom sucked on John's dick while Dave started humping Rose. Mom took the whole thing in one go: it reaching down her throat and her tongue stuck to licking it then John pulled out to see the lipstick she wore was smudged at base of his cock, his cock on the other hand was coated in her spit. Mom kissed the tip of his cock then reached her hands around him like a hug, then grabbing his butt and fingering his asshole. This surprised John and a little bit of shart came out but Mom didn't stop. She took her mouth and started sucking on his ballsack, licking all the sweat off it and stuffing her nose right onto it, smelling the uncleaned stink off it. Dave was slow fucking Rose, although Rose had her face turned away from his gaze, she was smiling a little and her pussy soaked the bed and his penis. Despite still being tired up, Rose was moving with Dave to make it more pleasurable, actively trying to make her pussy more tighter for Dave as well. Mom kissed more on john's dick so much it was turning more black in lipstick then his skin colour, then deepthroating it again, shoving a lot more fingers into his anus as he shitted out more shart; his greasy and wet asshole being stroked by her fingers and the shit coming out of him. Dave reached out with his hands and started groping Rose's breasts, having a feel for them and squeezing her nipples, then choosing to fuck harder, causing the slapping he was already doing to get louder, and Rose's breaths to get harder and more noticeable. 

Soon, John hits his limit, and cums down the throat of Mom, filling her stomach with semen, then releasing his dick out her grasp and finishing on her face, leaving cum in her hair and lips, but at the same time, John took the biggest dump he's ever taken, and a huge 7 inch log dumps on the floor and it's final fanfare comes with a fart so hot it could tan a person, with it a exhausted moan comes from John, his tongue slipping out and drool pouring down onto Mom's face, which she proceeds to slurp up. Dave busts a nut into Rose, giving her a creampie, then lets the cum ooze out of her, in a stream of semen and squirt, here eyes begging for more; not yet satisfied. "oooooh Johnny, your the real kinky one, arentcha? turn around babe lemme eat that bubble butt. Your ass is so fucking BIG like, I'm so jealous boy!" she turns him around and sticks her tongue into his gaping ass, sucking up all the shit left in it while massaging his cheeks, having a feel for their jiggles and bounces. When she's done she turns to the actual shit on the floor, picking it up without any hesitation with her leather suit gloves, then shoving it in his ass again: using it as a dildo to soak up any farts left in him, then letting it slip out of him and she puts her whole fist up his ass, fisting him deep with her knuckles while she leaves kiss marks on his ass cheeks and licking the rim of his hole. Dave decided to untie Rose, and lifts her to her feet; Rose then moves her hands across Dave's body and down to his balls, fondling them a bit, then leave little pecks of kisses on his neck. "Never knew you your bisexual, Dave. Good for you to finally come out the closet. About time" she teased at him, giggling a little and stroking his now limp cock a bit.

"Wow Ms. LaLonde, your really good!" "Thank you John, atleast someone apprea... apriestiat....? is happy I do things good around here" and she gets up and slaps his ass, then strokes his head like her were her own child, although that last statement may not collide very well with "own child", you know? but who cares? we're already knee deep in scat lmao.

"Hey, Ms. LaLonde-" "Johnny, I've already drank a gallon of your penis cummy shit; call me Mommy, plz. Seeing how close we already are ;]" "uhhh, OK then Mommy, where's the bathroom? I need to go" "Awww, you don't need to do that! here, babe, lemme get that piss!". Opening her mouth, she crouches down again and waits for John to do his business. Looking down it one would still see the unwashed cum at the back. "OK, Mommy, if you wan't that..." John dick pisses out a strong stream of piss, mixed with his semen in a whiter shade of yellow into her mouth, with her drinking it all up. Some piss slips out her mouth from the sides, but she doesn't care. When John's done, they both look up to see Dave and Rose fucking again, or rather Rose fucking Dave with a spare strap-on, watching as his dick twitches with each thrust Rose throws at him.

**THE END**

I refuse to do any more. The John scat meme has lived long enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There. Finished. What do you think of it?  
> "You did this"  
> No. You did. Your orders demanded a part 2. Someone has to pay for your crimes, anon. Who will it be?

**Author's Note:**

> I hate you why did y'all request for a part two on GODS GREEN EARTH


End file.
